Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
