I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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