it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
