Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
