I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
