While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
