he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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