All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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