Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
