So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
