So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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