I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
