Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
