I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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