Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
