my shit smells like andre
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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