Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
