Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize