You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
