Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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