I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.