Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.