In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself