I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think pants incapable of making pants work