Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"