The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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