Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
