Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
