Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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