I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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