she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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