Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
