I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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