i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
