Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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