If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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