my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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