P.S. I can't hear my feet
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
