Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dick very happy bro
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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