I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
