Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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