Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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