mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
