i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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