Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
