Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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