i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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