Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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