Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
