For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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