hell yes lets make some ravioli
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
