well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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