I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
