It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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