I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
