btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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