Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
