Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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