there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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