Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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