Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
