Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
