I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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