found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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