The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
