He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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