On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
