I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
