you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
