Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
