I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
