:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
