I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
