oh god the rape fog is back!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
