and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize