SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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