So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
