He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
