The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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