As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
