yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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