He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
