just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
