so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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