I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize