Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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