can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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