I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
